How Listening Can Improve Your Sex Life

Women talk a lot more than men.  If your wife asks you how your day was, the answer is likely to be: “fine.”  That’s it – if there was no police chase, no explosions, no winning lottery ticket and no one died, then there isn’t much to report.

You know this: if you ask your wife about her day, you’re in for an hour long description of everything that went down.  You will know what her co-workers said about her new shoes, the company org change, to the woman who didn’t say “hi” back in the hall, to the cool new computer she just had installed.

If your wife is at home with the kids, you’ll get even more detail about every potty event, every new word, and a play by play of all the good and the bad of the day.  Whew!

You’ve probably gotten really good at “uh-hu… yeah… mmm-hmmm…” and similar “keep alive” sounds and utterances.  We’ve all done it.  But later you’ll hear something like: “What do you mean you didn’t know?  I told you about Sally’s kids, she has two and one’s really sick.”  The result – she knows you’re not listening and she doesn’t feel like you care.  That’s not going to help you increase her passion and desire for you.

So – you want to improve your sex life?  Try this:  listen to her – really listen.  Make an effort.  This is an investment in your future, my friend, trust me.  Ask a couple of questions about someone in her day.  Preferably something positive or something about children.

Remember a couple of things.  Put them in your day planner if you have to.  Then a day or two later ask: “So – how is Sally’s little girl, Becky?”  After the initial shock, your wife will love it.  And you will learn a lot about her in the process of talking with her and listening to her.  Pay attention.

She will feel listened to.  She will feel validated.  She will know you care.  She will feel more loved.  And her passion will grow and your sex life will improve.

Public Affection Makes Her Feel Special

Have you ever been to a party or bar-b-q and noticed that one couple that makes everyone sick?  They’re always hugging and kissing on each other – they hold hands are always touching and are inseparable.

Of course, things get really out of hand when they start kissing passionately in front of everyone and after two or three minutes of kissing, people are commenting that they should get a room.  You know those people?  Annoying.  Don’t be like that.  lol  Well… actually, be almost like that… just bring it back a few of notches.

It’s funny: I notice that men are either all over their wives or they act like their wives aren’t even there.  What about doing something in between?

Wives love when their men are not ashamed to show them affection and give them attention in public.  I am surprised to see how many men out there act like their wives are just a buddy they’re hanging out with or just ignore their wives altogether when they are at parties or get-togethers.

When you’re in social settings, public displays of affection are a good way to let your wife know you love her.  And public displays of affection let your wife know you are really happy to say to the world: “this is my wife and I love her!”

But what is a good display of affection and what is a bad display of affection?  It varies from couple to couple, but here are two basic guidelines:

If you are groping your wife, making out with her in front of people, not letting her out of your sight, then your public display is more like marking your territory.  It objectifies your wife into something more like property than a woman.

If you are paying attention to your wife, touching her in affectionate but respectful ways, giving her a kiss or two here and there, then you are giving her the attention she desires.

My wife mentioned to me once that it’s great that we are not attached at the hip – that we can go and hang out with our friends separately and not be possessive at parties.  BUT, she said that I would just go off and leave her alone for a long, long time.

So she asked that I re-connect with her – even just eye contact and a smile from across the room is good.  Seeking her out to give her a hello and a little kiss from time to time is really nice.  So of course, I started doing that.  And she appreciated it.  Yet another deposit into her passion bank, so to speak.

I am sure to be with her and give her time and show affection as well as hang out with my buddies.  I am always respectful and touch, kiss and hug her in ways that make her feel good and secure in our relationship.  And it has really made a difference!

So work on paying attention to your wife when you’re at social events, she’ll feel loved and her passion for you will continue to grow.

Affection Begets Passion

If you are not the affectionate type, then you may consider changing your perspective on the matter.  You if you want to increase her passion and boost her libido, then she has to feel loved.  And a reasonable amount of affection goes a long way towards making your wife feel loved.

Showing affection does not take a lot of work.  And although snuggling is affectionate, there are many other ways to show affection and love to your wife.  It’s in the little things. Here are some ideas that on the surface seem obvious, but many men simply don’t think of them at the time:

  • When you’re walking together, don’t outrun her – wait up, slow down – walk with her
  • Hold her hand while walking
  • When you’re driving, caress the nape of her neck or hold her hand
  • When sitting on the couch, invite her to lay her head on your lap and run your fingers through her hair
  • At dinner, lightly touch her foot with yours
  • In bed: spoon
  • When she’s doing some house work or cooking, come up and give a little kiss on her cheek or neck
  • Hug her
  • Kiss her goodbye
  • Kiss her hello
  • Hug her when you see her at the end of the day

These are little things.  They are not difficult – just remember to do them – make a little effort.  It’s all about that little random physical touch that lets her know you want to be with her.  This reinforces that you love her and makes her feel loved on a deeper level.

By design, women need to feel loved.  The more she feels loved, the more passionate she will be, the more she’ll desire you, the more secure she will feel, and the more her libido will grow.  The result is that your sex life will get much better.  And your relationship will improve.

Go to Bed at the Same Time for More Passion

I am surprised at how many men go to bed after their wives, or they fall asleep on the couch in front of the TV.  Are you crazy?  Bed time is the perfect time for the connection she needs.  Remember: connection begets closeness which begets more passion which begets increased libido and then more sex.

You should use bedtime as a time for you and your wife.  The kids are out of the way, the TV is off, and the house work is on hold (it’s never done).  It’s the perfect time to grow close to your wife.  And it’s the perfect time to learn about your wife.

She’ll probably do most of the talking and you can just listen and ask questions and take mental notes as to what she likes and dislikes.  You can use this time to help you both relax and let go of the stress of the day.

When you go to bed, lightly caress your wife’s hair, shoulders and back.  Don’t go over and over the same spot – it will become raw.  Just put your hand on auto pilot and enjoy her body.  She’ll love it.  And she’ll probably want to run her fingers around your body as well.

But don’t expect sex – just enjoy it for what it is.  If she initiates, great – otherwise, just enjoy and be patient.  Again – this is filling her emotional tank – it’s recharging her passion batteries – so it will not happen over night or even in weeks for some women.  When she really trusts you, she’ll turn the corner and you will be surprised.

So use bedtime to charge her passion batteries. Connection = closeness = more passion = increase libido = more sex = happier marriage.

Help Her Feel Sexy

This one is simple.  What a woman wears under her cloths makes a difference as to how sexy she feels.  No one, can see her underwear, but she knows its there and she feels like it looks.  So try this:

When she’s in the shower, get a pencil and paper.  Go into her dresser drawer and pull out three pairs of panties.  I say three because sometimes there will be different sizes depending on cut.  If she likes thongs, then look for those (many women don’t because they “ride up” too much).  In any case, write down the sizes (some may be a number and some a S / M / L / XL).  Do the same for bras.

Now – next time you are out by yourself – on the way home or something, stop by a Victoria’s Secret – or shop on line.  Ask for one of the girls to help you pick some things out for your wife (don’t be ashamed – trust me: they’ll think you’re quite a man for what you’re doing for your wife).

Get 5 or 6 sexy comfortable panties and 1 or 2 bras.  I say 1 or 2 bras because they are expensive and women tend to be very picky about they’re bras. What about LadyBoss?

Then have them gift boxed with a little note that says something like “For you, my love.  Just because…”

Leave it out for her on the bed (that you just made) before you go to work.  If you don’t get a call from a very happy woman, I’d be surprised (of course, don’t be upset if she doesn’t call – this is for HER to feel more sexy – not for you to get accolades – be in it for the long term).